From the outside in

"I've seen Dickon!" said Mary. "I've seen Dickon!"

"I knew he'd come," said Martha exultantly. "How does tha' like him?"

"I think... I think he's beautiful!" said Mary in a determined voice.

Martha looked rather taken aback, but she looked pleased, too.

"Well," she said, "he's th' best lad as ever born, but us never thought he was handsome. His nose turns up too much."

"I like it turned up." said Mary.

"And he's eyes is so round," said Martha, a trifle doubtful. "Though they are a nice color."

"I like them round," said Mary. "And they are exactly the color of the sky over the moor."

Martha beamed with satisfaction. "Mother says he made 'em that color with always lookin' up at th' birds an' th' clouds. But he has got a big mouth, hasn't he, now?"

"I love his big mouth,” said Mary obstinately. "I wish mine were just like it."

Martha chuckled delighted. "It'd look rare an' funny in thy bit of a face," she said. "But I knowed it would be that way when tha' saw him...

This is my favorite dialog in one of my favorite books, "The Secret Garden", and this is what made me wrinkle this morning...

You might think I'm about to write about inner beauty; about blind love and how "beauty is not in the face, beauty is a light in the heart". How beauty only exists in perception, and everything else you already know because our heads have been so saturated with it. And I'm not saying its all nonsense; in fact, I agree 100% with inner beauty. I mean, yeah I'm kind of sick of it, but I'm still a fan of it, so no... I'm not about to 'blah, blah, blah' about inner beauty... instead, I'm just gonna readjust the lens a bit.

The reason why I love this dialog so much is NOT because Mary is falling so hopelessly in love with Dickon that she's not noticing the turned up nose, the round eyes, and that big mouth all together... truth is it's because Mary is falling so hopelessly in love with Dickon that she's noticing the turned up nose... and she likes it turned up. She notices the round eyes, and not only does she like them that way, but she could see the color they were made of. She notices his big mouth, she loves it that way, and she wants hers to be just like it.

And here's a careful confession of mine:

When I was in college I had a slight crush on this perfect stranger I once helped on the ATM machine. He was blind. I would've never noticed if he hadn’t had trouble with the machine.

He was struggling with the headphones. I remember they were all tangled up. He had a big backpack in one shoulder, carrying some books and the white cane in one hand, and trying to get the tangled headphones out of the backpack with the other.

Since I was behind him in the line... I took a few steps forward, touched his hand, and said "Here, let me help." He raised his head and somehow looked at me. Chuckling, he said, "Thanks." I untangled the headphones, plugged them for him, and got back in the line.

We never spoke again after that day.

He’s eyes never met mine, but I was so sure he saw me.

And after that, we ran into each other very often, but obviously he couldn't see me, he wasn't going to remember me, and so.. he would go he’s way and I kept going my way.

I wondered what it would be like to fall in love with a blind man.

Not having to comb my hair(not that I do), wear make up all the time or worry so much about my outfit... but it was so much more than that.

My crush was based on my desire to be seen not with the eyes, but with the heart. And then it hit me like a wave upon the sand... I realized I was trying to hide myself.

Whether I was pretty or ugly, I was crushing on him because he would never be able to see me... I didn't want him to see me.

But why do we worry so much about having someone see only the "inner us" when there is also an "outer us"?

You know you're in love when it took EVERYTHING that person is in order for you to say,

"I love you", and "inner you" is not EVERYTHING you're made of.

We have to love and care about "outer us" just as much as we love and care about "inner us" because we are made out of both. If God gave you a face, wear it! Don't hide it behind your heart. So what if your heart is more beautiful that your face? The person that was made to love you will love your turned up nose, so show it of. Be your own kind of beautiful because whether we like it or not, there comes the time when beauty is not only seen with the heart; when beauty is not only skin deep; when beauty is not just a guilty privilege. Beauty is what you make it... you decide what's beautiful.